Love, Marriage, and Relationships
One of the main causes of separation is infidelity. When we delve deeper into the matter, we find that people who engage in unfaithful behaviors claim lack of passion. Why does this phenomenon occur? What strategies should Christian marriages assume to address this situation?
In the first place, it is necessary to recognize that separations occur equally between believers and non-believers. The second element is that divorce goes against the divine plans, and the third issue to consider is that we should not deal with marriage when it is on its way to the abyss but when risk factors begin to take hold.
The apostle Paul refers to the relationship of couple and family in the following terms: “The Scripture says: That is why the man will leave his father and mother to join his wife and the two will form a single being. This is a very great mystery, as I refer to Christ and the Church. As for you, each one loves his wife as himself, and the woman, in turn, respects her husband.” (Ephesians 5: 31-33)
Note that there is an imperative: “… each one loves his wife as himself, and the woman, in turn, respects her husband “It could therefore not be argued: “I stopped loving my wife, and for this reason, I divorce her .” It is a decision that we will have to answer to God, who will most likely ask us: “Did you do something to keep love alive for your wife ?” It is at that moment that we will have a huge confrontation, but maybe it will be too late.
Monotony: The worst enemy of marriage
Why do many unfaithful people believe that sex is better with people other than their stable partner? Remember that infidelity is manifested in words, looks, leaks, but mostly because of relationships outside of marriage.
The famous couple therapist and author of the book The Truth about Deception, Gary Neuman, conducted a survey in which he asked a group of unfaithful men if sex with their lover was better in physical terms than they had with their wives. “Almost 70% said yes. It is almost obvious to most that extramarital sex is synonymous with greater pleasure. But it is not so clear why lovers get such high marks. Are your abilities to seduce and give pleasure better than those of the stable couple?
The reason seems to be based on two ingredients that look striking: novelty and curiosity. Sexologist Rosa Guevara Quintero, cited by the same publication, says that routine is the worst enemy of a relationship.
We cannot deny that among the elements that united most couples, physical attraction was one of them. However, once married, men neglect their wives, and wives become uninterested, and – in general – end up neglecting the relationship.
In the opinion of the psychologist Guevara: “When you meet someone new who flirts and tries to get your attention, sexual chemistry goes off, and everything seems more exciting, from a kiss to their techniques in the sexual preamble. In this sense, there is “an illusion produced by expectation. But if the person living with his lover at the same time as with his stable partner, the chances of passion and excitement becoming routine are very high.
If we stick to what the Scriptures say and take as our foundation that we are a “one flesh,” it is with our partner that we should have relationships. The apostle Paul teaches about this: “For you know very well that whoever joins a prostitute becomes one body with her. Scripture says: The two will be one flesh.” (1 Corinthians 6: 16)
Having relationships outside of marriage pollutes the home but also dismisses the mandate that God has given us, and that is oriented to keep the family nucleus solid.
A piece of good advice is to work to prevent love from dying, to revive it with the romanticism that we have abandoned, to make your spouse feel that he wants and satisfies him. And also, talk with your partner when you want to have privacy. This is not unbiblical; it is simply part of the process of living together.
Always remember that the greatest enemy of any union is monotony. Falling into that routine attitude does not unite but destroy. And recognize it part of stopping along the way to see how things go between the two.
Marriage is exposed to cracking
If we do not want love to die, it is essential to review the treatment we give it. Expressing rejection and not showing love, progressively undermines ties. So is having closed issues, and not addressing them in conversations for fear of the other’s reaction.
While it is true there are three factors that accelerate the conflicts of the couple: Not having common goals, money management, and parenting, ignoring and not valuing the emotional life of the spouse, not telling us what is causing us discomfort and evade critical issues, also help to enlarge the problems.
Seeking dialogue, understanding, and satisfaction in someone who is not your partner aggravate the picture.
A study by anthropologist Helen Fisher, author of the book “Why We Love, “states that on the fourth wedding anniversary – 4 years – we must turn on the “alarm signals” because it is the period in which generally The marriage relationship begins to blur.
In the opinion of Mrs. Fisher: “The majority of couples who divorce do so in the fourth year and the reason is simple: a good part of the species that come together to raise an offspring do so for some time until the offspring are no longer vulnerable. Humans have traces of that reproductive pattern.
In addition, in terms of survival, it is much better to have children with more than one partner because a genetic variety generates greater possibilities of passing their genes to other generations. However, this does not mean that people are sentenced to divorce.”
You and I are responsible for letting “love die .” If, at this precise moment, you seek to avoid why, I invite you to read what the apostle Paul teaches us: “Love never ceases to be, but the prophecies will end, and the tongues will cease, and science will end.” (1 Corinthians 13: 8. NLT 1960)
The matter is simple and has a Scriptural foundation: If we deal with nurturing the relationship, it will grow and stay alive. If we neglect it, it will die, and it is important to write this down: We must respond to God if that happens.
Those who must assume a greater share of responsibility are husbands because, according to studies, gender is the first variable to consider, and, in that aspect, men are more vulnerable since they produce high levels of testosterone, so they tend to be riskier and have more love affairs.
Clinical psychologist Susan Heitler explains: “My clinical practice suggests that there are still more unfaithful men, but the gender gap has narrowed over the years. This is because women have managed to position themselves within society and have obtained greater freedoms than in the past.”
There is no reason to neglect the relationship. Men and women must stay alert. And something else: Ask God, who should occupy the first place in the relationship, to grant us the wisdom necessary to feed love permanently and seek solutions when we consider that the relationship is going through a bad time.
At what time be alert?
Until a few years ago, it was believed that marriage lasted forever and that in the same measure, love remained. However, human criteria have changed the divine principle, and the home lasts “until love runs out .” But, in practical terms, how long do the bonds that bind the couple last?
A study done in Britain showed for the first time that researchers have taken on the task of quantifying how sexual attraction decreases with years of marriage.
The specialists concluded that the decline in passion but at the same time in the relationship occurs between five and seven years.
“The survey, conducted among 5,000 people, found that 76 percent of those who had been with their partners for less than four years felt fully satisfied with their sexual lives or at least considered it acceptable. However, that figure declined to just 54 percent among those who turned five, which represents a third less than people satisfied in bed from wooden weddings.”
The criterion of sexologist Peter Saddington, marriage counselor, many of the reasons for the fall of passion originate from the fact that couples put sexuality at the bottom of priorities and give more importance to other issues such as parenting and the rise in the career.
This progressive deterioration is a serious matter, and we must pay attention to it. In fact, King Solomon had already warned: “My dove, in the cracks of the rock, in the secret of the steep path, let me see your countenance, let me hear your voice; because your voice is sweet, and your countenance is beautiful. The foxes, the small foxes that ruin the vines, because our vines are in bloom.” (Song of Songs 2:14, 15)
The little foxes in relationships are aspects that we do not take into account, and that just by dismissing them, are causing the collapse of the relationship.
Specialists Daniel Bergner, David Barash, and Esther Perel – who have written extensively on couple issues – agree that it is necessary to nurture love in the relationship while passion is still alive. In his opinion, this is when the flame of love should be fanned but also set common goals and not focus solely on sexual passion.
This valuable advice leads us to keep the flame burning with pure priorities as a couple and the children; not have sexual passion as the only incentive.
The decision of each party in a marriage relationship plays a fundamental role — the decision to stay together. The decision to establish common goals and the decision to prevent the relationship from fracturing or suffering a progressive collapse is rested on both parties.
But, above all, and the most important is the decision to allow God to take first place in the family. If He rules inside the house, everything will sort itself out in the marriage and the relationship with the children. So, if you haven’t already received Jesus as Lord and Savior? Today is the day to make this decision. You will not regret it!
Currently a pastor, I devote most of my time to the ministry. I have been actively serving in ministry for roughly ten years now, and in that time; I have encountered countless trials and cruel hardships.
But somehow, through God’s grace; I overcame. And the one thing I have learned from those encounters – trust God.
Therefore, using my experiences and my relationship with God. I now seek to inspire and encourage those who visit my blog.
And may God continue to bless and enrich you greatly.