Marriage is a lifelong commitment. When you say “I Do” there is no way back. You are saying “I Do” to love and to cherish someone until death. The person you say “I Do” to – should have certain qualities. But determining if your partner ticks all the right boxes, especially early in the relationship can be tricky.
What signs do you look for? What qualities are important to you, and what traits suggest he will make a good husband?
These are genuine questions that if answered early in the relationship will help you to determine if your boyfriends’ sole interest is in your physique, and his purpose for being with you is to satisfy his sexual desires.
Without further ado, I present to you, three things to consider when deciding whether to marry him or not to marry him.
1. He Connects with You Emotionally
Does he connect with you emotionally? If your boyfriend doesn’t connect with you emotionally, it’s a sign he isn’t ready for marriage. Women are emotional beings with emotional needs.
These emotional needs are needs that every husband must satisfy. But it takes a spouse who understands his wife’s emotional needs to satisfy her.
There are certain intangible facts about women than men should know about. It isn’t just about her good looks, her gorgeous smile, or her beautiful eyes.
There is much more about women than men should learn to appreciate and understand. Failing to do so will only create a breakdown in the chemistry of the relationship.
Wives are known to be the glue in marriages. But Biblical history has taught that husbands play an even more vital role in marriages, they have the responsibility to admonish and inspire their wives to live fulfilling lives. A strong man will inspire confidence, success, and strength in a woman.
Men should take time out to get to know their spouse emotionally. It’s a terrible thing for any wife to live with a husband who does not understand her emotions.
Not that any man can completely understand all his wife’s emotions. But men should have a fundamental understanding of his spouse’s emotions.
Before a woman says “I Do” to a man, she must first ask herself these two-simple questions. Does this man fulfill me?
To fulfill means he ticks most of the boxes. He understands you well and you have inner peace.
And secondly, does he connect with me emotionally? Check his responses to your emotional expressions, see what his reaction is like.
Does he turn a blind eye? Or does he put himself in a position to learn more?
If your spouse does not connect with you emotionally, it’s going to be difficult for him to even please you sexually, there would be little sexual satisfaction and excitement.
When this happens, you will begin to second guess your decision to get married. You might even begin to dislike your husband and find him unattractive. So, before this happens, make sure your spouse connects with you emotionally.
Sings He Connects with You Emotionally
- You feel comfortable displaying your wild side around him.
- He doesn’t take your jokes personally.
- He allows you to express yourself freely.
- He always supports you.
- He encourages you in hard times.
- He respects your decisions and doesn’t criticize you when your judgments don’t match up with his standards.
- He isn’t judgmental.
- He knows when you need your space and isn’t offended when you ask to be alone.
- He knows how to make you laugh.
He always seems to know when you aren’t yourself or something is bothering you.
He does not connect with you emotionally, what to do?
Emotionally, your boyfriend doesn’t or connects with you on the surface, but you want a deep emotional connection. What do you do? I have some suggestions for you.
The idea with these suggestions is not to change your partner but to take active steps to deepen the emotional connection. Most men lack emotional intelligence, about 65 percent of them do.
Applying these suggestions will require you to listen, but more importantly to be patient.
Maintain high levels of communication with him. Don’t be turned off when he doesn’t respond to you emotionally.
This might be hard to do but maintain your communication. Emotionally your boyfriend may not respond to you but that doesn’t mean he isn’t taking notice. If you keep at it, he will begin to appreciate and respond to you.
Ignore the negatives. You may try to get your boyfriend attention while he is watching a ball game, but he doesn’t take you on. What do you do next? Don’t get frustrated, instead watch the ball game with him.
Continue doing this and his conscience wouldn’t allow him to ignore you for too long. Soon he will give you your time when you desire.
Let him know how you feel. Men might not be good listeners, but they do listen. Let your boyfriend know how you are feeling, tell him exactly how you feel about his emotional intelligence.
Don’t go overboard with it, just enough to make him think about his lack of emotional interest for you.
Go to the ball game with him. Show him you are into him, that you are in it for the long-term. He knows you don’t like going to the ball game, but because of him; you endure the agony. He may not acknowledge his appreciation at first, but he gets the message that you want the same in return.
Don’t try forcing him to change. Don’t be judgmental of him, don’t tell him you want him to change, don’t nag at him. But be an ever-present, reinforcing voice of support to him.
2. He’s a Leader
Is he a leader? Does he exhibit leadership qualities? Every wife needs their husbands to lead. There are many husbands who want to be the boss in their house. Many of them take pleasure in giving instructions and expect their wives to adhere to them.
But few husbands learn to lead, to be a leader, not a dictator, not a tyrant, but a good leader requires vision, conviction, and character.
To have vision means to have a sense of direction. Where do you intend to take your family? What are your plans for your household? Spiritual, financial, and otherwise. Where do you see your household in the next five to ten years?
Without a vision, families and households will struggle to stay afloat. But a good leader/husband will answer these questions.
And he will also share them with his spouse to make sure she has confidence in his abilities to lead. Conviction is the energy needed to achieve visions.
Every good leader has an inward conviction to achieve his vision. Conviction speaks of an attitude or mindset that the vision will come to past. There isn’t any indecision about it, and it does not matter how difficult things get, the vision will not fade away.
To have character means to remain faithful to your family while pursuing the vision. The wife, when she looks at her husband, she must see a man with the vision for his family engraved upon his heart. A man that keeps putting his family first, a man that does not change. A man that does not abandon his family in pursuit of other opportunities elsewhere.
So, ladies, a man can never lead you if he does not have a vision mixed with conviction, and character. You need a husband that has a sense of purpose and direction.
Not a husband who is unstable and doesn’t even know which way he wants to go with his own life. So, don’t put your life in his hands if he doesn’t know to lead.
Signs He’s a Leader:
- He takes the initiative with your advice.
- He talks about his plans.
- He is disciplined and has self-control.
- He manages his time well and he doesn’t entertain procrastination.
- He doesn’t give up easily.
- He isn’t lazy.
- He shows respect for your parents.
- He wants to introduce you to his parents.
- He wants to meet your parents.
- He isn’t bothered by people’s negative comments concerning the relationship.
- He isn’t bothered if your parents don’t like him and doesn’t support the relationship.
- He protects you, and you feel safe around him.
- He doesn’t stay upset with you for long.
- He quickly forgives you if you did something that offended him.
- He isn’t a dictator.
- He respects your friends.
- He doesn’t verbally or physically abuse you.
He’s not a leader, how to get him to lead?
You’re looking for a man to lead, to make sound decisions, to take the initiative without having to ask you first. Unfortunately, your partner isn’t that leader you are looking for.
But you don’t want to end the relationship because he is a nice guy and you really love him. You believe you have good chemistry with him and there’s a good chance he is the one.
So, what do you do? the solution is – allow him to lead. Non-alpha males or nice guys are usually unassertive. They don’t impose themselves; they allow you to make most of the decisions, or they will consult you before making them.
In most cases, unassertive partners will go over and beyond to oblige to your demands and to please you.
The bottom line of the bottom line is – unassertive partners aren’t usually leaders. But that doesn’t mean they can’t become leaders. At least if you allow them to. Think about it, you want him to lead, but most of the time you don’t allow him to lead. How will he lead when you don’t give him the opportunity to?
After all, he is a nice guy, and nice guys don’t overrule their girlfriends’ decisions, they follow. If you want your boyfriend to lead, here are a few things you can do to help him lead.
Allow him to decide which location to go have lunch, dinner or even a trip to the beach. The idea is to allow him to have a major say without you overruling him. Don’t tell him you’d prefer somewhere else. You get the idea, here are a few more examples:
He decides which movie to watch. You are helping him to lead, so let him choose what movies to watch. Even though you may dislike is choice, exercise patience. Soon, he will learn your taste, so don’t tell him that you like romance movies.
He decides on the weekend, and vacation outings. Let him choose where to spend the weekend, or where to go on vacation. Don’t tell him you fancy somewhere else.
He plays the leading role in the bedroom. Let him decide what positions to try. Don’t say you don’t like this or that. If you don’t like certain potions, eventually he will find out.
Allow him to drive the car and pay for your groceries. If you are an alpha female, don’t tell him – let me drive. Don’t tell him – I will pay the bills.
Allow him to decide what time he brings you back home from lunch. Don’t tell him you want to leave at a certain time, he already knows your schedule.
You can add to these examples, but the idea is to let him lead. Great leaders will tell you that leadership takes time, practice, willingness, and commitment. So be patient with him.
3. He Pays Close Attention to You
Does he pay close attention to you? A wife needs a husband who will pay attention to her. One thing I have learned about women over the years is that women love when men pay close attention to them. Not just listening but paying attention to their desires, and their conversations.
When a husband does not pay close attention to his wife, he is putting her into an uncomfortable position. Because, if she leaves the house, and she meets someone willing to give more attention to her than she’s getting at home. She can fall victim to loneliness and even cheat without realizing how it happened.
Sad to say, men, especially young men don’t know this. Some men believe paying the bills and satisfying their wives sexually is enough, but it’s not.
Husbands who get the best out of their wives are those who pay close attention to her. Don’t ignore your wife, pay attention to her.
I love him, but he doesn’t give me enough attention, what to do?
You love your boyfriend, and he loves you. But your problem is – he doesn’t give you enough attention, and he doesn’t observe you.
When a man doesn’t give his partner, the attention she needs, it’s a sign he’s not serious about the relationship.
But that’s not the issue here, you know he loves you, and he’s interested in the relationship – you just want him to pay more attention to you.
So, here are a few things you can do to get his undivided attention.
Talk to him. Tell him how you feel about his lack of attention toward you. See what he says, and then try to understand and accommodate his perspective of what giving attention is.
This may sound surprising, but some men are limited in their understanding of giving attention to their partner – they just don’t know how to give it. Or maybe, it’s a case of you misreading the way he’s showing you his attention. Don’t get too worked up about it, a little talk may be the answer to your problem.
Ignore him. You have already spoken to him; you told him how you feel, but he doesn’t amend his shortcomings.
Your best option at this stage is to ignore him, pretend that you don’t care about him anymore.
Meet new friends…go out and a fun. Don’t return his calls, don’t reply to his messages, and stop doing him favors. Soon he will get the message, and if he truly loves you – he will give his attention and observe you the way he should.
Be happy with yourself. There’s nothing more annoying to your boyfriend than to see you happy, and joyful and he isn’t the reason for it.
One of the best ways of getting your boyfriend to pay close attention to you is by being yourself, and by being happy with yourself. Do something you wanted to do but never did, try a new hobby.
Don’t make your boyfriend feel you can’t do without him, show him that you can find happiness without him.
Don’t spoil him but, following through with these thoughtful suggestions will work like a charm.
Signs He’s Good at Paying Close Attention
- He knows exactly what to say at any given moment.
- He knows what gifts to buy you.
- He knows the people you like and those you dislike.
- He is patient with you and knows when you are moody.
- He knows when to keep quiet.
- He knows your favorite colors and foods.
- He remembers your birthday.
- He observes your family traditions.
Each woman has their own preference of what to look for in a future husband. These traits aren’t all there is to know. There is more, base your traditions, background, and culture the list can go on.
But my experiences being a husband, and observation being pastor/counselor, I have found these four traits to be common in good husbands.
If you may, you can add to the list in your comment.